Understanding

i think one of the harder things in life I've discovered is not the lack of having a job or the boredom of life in general b/c as dad said to me the other day its like gas and it too with pass. haha

but what is really up setting in life is having friends you no longer understand. i thought i had at least two good friend leaving Sussex and i did for a few years but as time goes by we grow up and go our separate ways and we just don't really know each other anymore I tried to hang on to what we used to be like, but reality took over and so did over lives.

a year ago i "let go" of my best friend in high school, she and took different paths in life, I wasn't overly different i didn't think, but she took a wrong turn somewhere along the road and we haven't talked sense. I tried to keep contact with her, I'd call leave messages but i never got any calls back. and its kinda sad, i think about her every once and a while wonder how she's doing, praying that things are well with her and she's doing ok.

once before we lost contact with each other she told me things that I think even she regretted and for some reason after that she stopped talking me. i can only guess as to why, but she did. and i haven't talked to her in over a year. I guess if we talked today we really wouldn't know what to talk about we have totally different lives now.

now only recently i talked with yet another old friend and he's changed too, i think i saw it coming but guess i didn't really wanna watch. I'd "lost" one friend i wasn't quite ready to lose another.

As life would have it, we grow up and we move on again, we take our different paths and we move on, as we should, me make new friends we become something we weren't before, our personality changes, we sometimes say things we don't mean and slowing but surely we walk away from each other.

I guess its all part of life, someone has many different friends in life, but we never forget the friends we did have. its hard to say good bye to friends, but in truth I don't even understand either of them now. when we were in each others lives we we're like one person thinking feeling the same things we knew everything about each other and their lives. and sometime on that rare occasion we could read each other thoughts, fanny as it sounds but its true.

someone told me one time that when your married your single friends just kinda drift away b/c we'll eventually have less things in common, when your married your family becomes your life as it should, and your single friend are still finding theirs and doing their own thing. while yours is doing thing with your family not just on your own.

so yea i guess thats all i needed to say. Old friends, I'll always remember them but i think I've been defeated by life and now i don't even understand them.

~Heidi~