Christmas

You know what i just realized? I got the exact computer i had on my wish list blog post back in April. how weird is that? Lee got it for me for Christmas. nice hu.

I hope everyone's Christmas was wonderful. Mine could have been better. A side from the fact mom and dad weren't around for this Christmas (but that was expected) first off on the 24 everyone had already open their presents and so the pressure was on Lee and I to follow suit. I saved mom & dad's plus Nanny and Grampy's till Christmas day but it just felt like all my family traditions went flying out the window and no one cared.

on Christmas morning i opened my remaining presents. and before i go on i wanna say, I know Christmas isn't about presents and its all about being around family. i get that. But... i only did get a few items i actually like and its a bit disappointing. i don't blame mom b/c she would have know better of what i like for the presents i got from her and dad. aunt Nancy was buying on her behave. but I'm not sure where the wires got crossed b/c i don't know if you know this or not but Purple is Lee's favorite color NOT mine(mine is BLUE). and so you can imagine how disappointed i was when not only did i receive not one but 4 purple shirts. Nanny said its the "new color" this season. do you think i care? i got 3 other shirts that weren't purple a green sweater, a yellow shirts(same as one of the purple ones just yellow) and a Green Tweety shirt from Kimmy.

i got some really bad gifts too, is like they don't know me at all at as to what they buy me. okay Nancy got me a Christmas lamp, except you don't put alight bulb in it you put a candle in it. and then nanny gets me "old lady" slippers. I didn't really get mush of what i wanted. manly crafts, Blue cloths. I did get a few nice presents from Lee's and his family. whats kinda sad is that they seems to know what i like better then my own family. whats the deal?

anyway I'm back now from Amherst and going to work tomorrow. Its going to be a long rest of the week. I have a double shift on Sunday i took over someones shift on Saturday but i get Monday and Tuesday off so that will be nice.

the guy that i took his shift, i feel so used. I don't even know the guy and he comes over to me calls me by name ( i had my name tag on other wise I'm sure he would have known it) and asks me to take a shift from him. i don't mind, b/c that mean extra money for me, but what make me feel used is that before he needed something he'd never said two words to me. and after i say I'll take his shift he's all "your my hero" " your the best Heidi" blah blah blah yea right.

i have to go to bed i have to work tomorrow night and i don't wanna be tired.

~Heidi~

Updates

Well lets see i haven't updated this for a while so I figure i probably should. lets see... So I've been working at the movie theater for a 2 weeks now. i went to their Christmas party, not that exciting, we went "skating" but unless you had skates you were to "skate" with your shoes. so that sucked. B/c Lee and i wanted to go skating. although we did win two t-shirts, by answer True & False questions we really didn't know the answers but we won anyway.

there was one morning where at 2 am someone pulled the fire alarm in the building so everyone was rushed out Lee and I were a wake so to us it wasn't a big deal but Ryan was a sleep and tired, we had enough time to get proper cloths on and shoes, so we didn't totally freeze. but was a killer is walking back up the 7 lights of stairs to get back to the apartment.

Lee's done is contract at work, but we're still staying in Halifax b/c 2 reason actually one the guy who had us sign the lease was sneaky and had us sign a year lease in stead of our agreed 6 months lease so we're stuck here and two Lee likes it here and has had so far this evening 3 job offers to stay in Halifax. He's getting well know around here so its good. and I'm happy b/c now we're braking our record of staying in one place the longest is 6 months and its a given that we have to stay until next September. yea!

Lee and I are leaving tomorrow to go visit his grandparents for Christmas I have to work tomorrow so after work Lee, Wavey and Curt are coming to get me. I'm excited. no so much for presents for myself but really for people opening the presents from me. i know Lee's excited to open his presents from me. so that makes me excited. also I bought him some stuff for his socking and i know he's going to love. I'll have to remember to write on here after Christmas and tell you what i get. I'd tell you what i got Lee but i don't want him to come on and ruin the surprise.

Merry Christmas Everyone!
Heidi

Empire Theatres

I'd like to tell you i started my first day (sort of) today not officially but i did get paid. all we did was fill out forms and give all that personal info you'd have to at any first day activity. My first actually working say starts on Saturday when I'll be trained on what I'm not sure yet. but regardless I think I'm going to enjoy working there.

in my 3 months probation i get to go see movies for free at our theater and then after my 3 months i get a card and I can goto any theater and I and my guest which will most likely be Lee can get in free, plus we can get $3 off any combo at the concession stand. nice hu?

out of 7 people who applied myself and another girl got hired its so weird to, b/c i figured bombed the math test they game me which in turn didn't give me the job but for some reason they hired me, so in the future, you know when I'm more comfortable I'll ask them why they hired me, just b/c it doesn't make since to me why.

but anyway i got get going i was writing while i waited for a down load and now that its done, so am i :)

~Heidi~

Got the Job

you know the one I had the interview at, yea i got that one :) they called me today and want me to come in on Thursday at 6 to start training :) just thought I'd let you know :)

~Heidi~

Friendships

i got one of those stupid poems you get in an e-mail "send it to so many people or you'll have bad luck" What got me was the poem, i wont repeat it b/c it was kinda long and quite boring, but to sum it up it was basically saying, to tell your friends and family what they mean to you, to Seize the day and Never have regrets.

I thought about that while deleting the e-mail, how would one go about telling everyone close to them how you really feel, i don't even know sometimes how i feel. and if I did how would i know, how to contact them? I have friends in the past who have helped me out when I needed them, but now we hardly ever talk. what would i say to them? "hey thanks for helping me out way back when... so see ya later" that sounds a bit off don't you think?

i thought about all the friends that I considered close friends, and I don't even talk to any of them except for Lee but thats to be expected. Growing up I had one friend until middle school:

Sasha: we were friends until she moved away, thats when we lost contact with each other, sure she moved back but we'd grown up and have different things in common, I see her ever once and a while, but we don't have much to say to each other, that kinda stinks.

i had 6 real good friends in high school, we'd hang out together have our chillin' Wednesday before youth group night, we'd go out to eat, hang out then go to youth group. it was a blast. But do i talk to any of them now?

Adrienne: we were good friends for i believe 2 years then she graduated from high school and we slowly lost contact. she was a funny and good friend though :)

Jordan: He stopped talking to me once i told him i was dating Lee. I miss talking to him though he was a good friend, or so i thought.

Melissa: She moved away and became a mom, and just stopped writing, the last i heard from her was in first year of collage

Dave: We stopped talking after we broke up, but talk every once in a blue moon he'll say something to me on MSN. I wouldn't call him a friend really though, b/c after we broke up we weren't anything to each other, so he wasn't really a friend to begin with i guess. sometime i wondering i should have even dated him with everything that went wrong. if i could go back i probably wouldn't have. too much bad memories with this one.

Tim: He was a good friend while i work with his at Caton's, things got a little weird after Caton's though. think it was b/c he always knew i had a crush on him. who knows though. we lost contact after i went away to school. i always wondered what he was up to though.

Amanda: we were good friend right up to me getting married, then something changed I'm not sure what but something, I always tried to stay in contact with her wherever we went but she just stopped letting herself be found i guess. I guess If i really wanted to find her I could I know where she works and I know people who see her everyday, but if she doesn't want to make and effort why should I?

Corey: where to start with him? we'd been friends since grade 8, we dated 3 years weren't friends for a year, and then after i went away to collage i started talking to him again. we don't talk much but i know where to find him if i ever need him and vice versa

My 2 full summers working at Caton's i made some friends, my first year there was awesome i thought i was friends with everyone there, but only a few after the summer was over did a see more then once.

Christy: She was my closest friend at Caton's through the years, since working at Caton's but after Caton's we just kinda lost contact, again we talk every once and a while on MSN, she got married before me, and we just stopped talking. we lived just down the road from each other and never saw each other for the full year I lived in Fredericton unless we bumped in to each other.

Anita: she was like the "mother hen" at Caton's she was older then us (i think) but she was wiser most of the time, great fun to be around. but again after Caton's we just didn't talk but we talk every once and a while.

Kyle: he was my buddy in the kitchen, the whole first summer he was my buddy, after the summer though we went our separate directions and that was that. we now live in the same city but we never see or talk to each other. Its a bummer, but again though b/c we haven't talked in so long i don't think we'd really know each other anymore.

Naomi: she was awesome we were friends at Caton's and even when we left, but when she moved thats when we lost contact, last i heard (from the grape vine) that she's married living in California

I lived in Fredericton for a year before I got married and had friends there:

Rebecca: she was awesome and we were friends for that year and a bit more, but once again i moved and we just slowing lost contact withe each other. she was going to come visit me, here in Halifax, her and her boyfriend. They never came, I wasn't surprised, its a long, expensive trip and for only staying the weekend its just not worth it. so we slowing stopped talking.

Greg: he was my first friend in Fredericton and I try to keep contact with him, we call every once and a while and now he has e-mail hooked up again we e-mail every once and a while. but not much though.

I had other friends in Fredericton but these were the two that really got inside my head and i opened up to. my other friends were great to, but again we don't talk anymore.

since I've been married i haven't had a whole lot of friends not a huge surprise we don't exactly stay somewhere long enough to make a great deal of friends most of my friends have been friend disassociated with work while working a V&V and OnStar I had work friends but when it came to doing things on the weekend or after work(V&V) we went our separate ways. Now that works out of the way what would we talk about?

I seem to see a pattern, when ever someone, or I move we lose contact and we just stop talking, it almost seems worthless to make friends, b/c we'll just end up moving and I'll lose another friend.

thank the Lord, for families. Really though if it weren't for families i wouldn't talk to anyone.

Mom & Dad: I conciser to be good friends not only are they my parents but they know me better then anyone (expect Lee but that goes without saying) I e-mail mom just about everyday, Dad about not so often but often enough.

Dwayne: I e-mail him once and while, its hard to carry on a conversation with him, he's my brother, what can you expect? :)

Christin: she's nice and I like her, but i don't know her very well either, I always wanted a sister and when i got one i had only met her twice when Dwayne married her. the day he brought her to Sussex to meet mom and dad. And the the day they got married. They live so far away its hard to form a friendship with either of them really.

Lee's family is great some i don't get at all, but his sisters are close to my age so that helps with the friend factor.

Wavey: we're becoming fast friends and I'm glad b/c considering she's family now i know that no mater where Lee and I go we'll still be in contact with her

Kimmy: I don't see very often so i don't have much to say about her, I like her well enough but again i don't know her well.

I'm not sure where i was going with all this, I'm sorry to anyone who read the whole thing, i think i just wanted to get my feelings out and b/c hardly anyone reads this i figured this was the best place to place my thoughts :)

well I'm all talked out i think haha

~Heidi~

Understanding

i think one of the harder things in life I've discovered is not the lack of having a job or the boredom of life in general b/c as dad said to me the other day its like gas and it too with pass. haha

but what is really up setting in life is having friends you no longer understand. i thought i had at least two good friend leaving Sussex and i did for a few years but as time goes by we grow up and go our separate ways and we just don't really know each other anymore I tried to hang on to what we used to be like, but reality took over and so did over lives.

a year ago i "let go" of my best friend in high school, she and took different paths in life, I wasn't overly different i didn't think, but she took a wrong turn somewhere along the road and we haven't talked sense. I tried to keep contact with her, I'd call leave messages but i never got any calls back. and its kinda sad, i think about her every once and a while wonder how she's doing, praying that things are well with her and she's doing ok.

once before we lost contact with each other she told me things that I think even she regretted and for some reason after that she stopped talking me. i can only guess as to why, but she did. and i haven't talked to her in over a year. I guess if we talked today we really wouldn't know what to talk about we have totally different lives now.

now only recently i talked with yet another old friend and he's changed too, i think i saw it coming but guess i didn't really wanna watch. I'd "lost" one friend i wasn't quite ready to lose another.

As life would have it, we grow up and we move on again, we take our different paths and we move on, as we should, me make new friends we become something we weren't before, our personality changes, we sometimes say things we don't mean and slowing but surely we walk away from each other.

I guess its all part of life, someone has many different friends in life, but we never forget the friends we did have. its hard to say good bye to friends, but in truth I don't even understand either of them now. when we were in each others lives we we're like one person thinking feeling the same things we knew everything about each other and their lives. and sometime on that rare occasion we could read each other thoughts, fanny as it sounds but its true.

someone told me one time that when your married your single friends just kinda drift away b/c we'll eventually have less things in common, when your married your family becomes your life as it should, and your single friend are still finding theirs and doing their own thing. while yours is doing thing with your family not just on your own.

so yea i guess thats all i needed to say. Old friends, I'll always remember them but i think I've been defeated by life and now i don't even understand them.

~Heidi~